Symptoms

I think something is seriously wrong, which means documenting symptoms is key.  Plus I don't have anyone that I can trust with this that could help or be willing to listen to me talk about this without judgement.

For the past few weeks (at least 4) I've been very tired, on both a mental and physical wavelength.  I've been too tired to socialize, to concentrate, or even to physically get out of bed in the morning.  I've changed my eating habits, bought iron tablets, slept more, but nothing has helped.  It's really getting to me - I have the urge to nap 90% of the day - and haven't been to one of my classes in a week and a half, because I lack the motivation to climb out of bed (I wake up an hour before I need to leave, and just sit.  I know the consequences, and scold myself, but I don't move).  I occasionally get dizzy spells, with minor vertigo (currently happening), but nothing that makes me think that I'm going to pass out or otherwise have issues.  I've also been significantly less hungry, although I've been making a point to try to eat /something/.

Mentally, I've been fairly depressed, but generally functional until the past week.  I started screwing up at work, slowing down the workflow at my internship, avoiding schoolwork - and midterms.  I've been hiding from people socially, and avoid interactions with people who know me.  I've still been able to put on my stranger/acquaintance face, though.  (I think other people are noticing that something's up - one of the dude's at work made an enquiry, but he might have been playing head games.  He does that).

Today, after a nap in the most fascinating class that I'm taking this semester, which I also haven't been able too take notes in for the past two weeks, due to a slowed brain, and some scheduled socialization, I had the urge to go sleep in the library (sometimes, when I get stressed, I feel better if I go sleep somewhere else, away from other humans and relative comfort.  Back in Ca, I would drive to a certain park.  Now, I use the school's 24/7 library).  I asked my bf, if he thought that I could get away with my outfit at work tomorrow, he said it was hideous. (Rebuke: rephrasing).  I walked to the bus, with a full blown anxiety problem.  First, I obsessed over my 1 page outline, due Tuesday, then whether I should dump by boyfriend, pregnancy fears, how douchy I was to drop that word on my bf, then my lack of true friends, then back to the bf, then to how bad of a student I am at this fucking school, then to how fucked up I might be.  At this point, there had been a few tears.  I decided that an appropriate punishment would be sleep on the living room floor.  When I came home, I grabbed a snack and collapsed on the couch with Pandora streaming through my laptop.

All of a sudden, I felt peace.  Nothing was in my body, nothing was tense.  It was like the post-orgasm bliss that is just satiated contentment, with a jouncy pop song.  After about 5 minutes of that, I'm back to being super tired and plan to sleep.on the couch, so not the floor and not my bed.

I need help.  This is at least the 15th time this has happened this year.  And I don't know how much more of this I can take.  Even if it means I get a crazy person label, it will be better than not knowing.

I'm seeing a doctor for the physical stuff Tuesday, and hopefully the counseling center will give me an appointment this time.