Crush and swoon

Remember the hot Greek boy I referenced in my last post?  We've been consistently flirting in class for the past few weeks in class and in group meetings.  Today, we were making a silent film for for the presentation on Tuesday and he, during the filming, said "I love you" during the lines.  My brain started thinking "!!!!!" which made my response probably sound pretty dumb.

Between that, and him touching my hand, AND walking me down to my car (he remembered where I usually park, and parked there for this meeting), I think I've reached the shrieking point.

Literally.

I keep hearing glee love songs and start shrieking/giggling/jumping at them.  I can't focus on my midterm that needed to be turned in 7 hours ago, and I'm not even stressed about it. Not even the REALLY awkward Goofball visit (where I found out that he doesn't want to be friends, awkwardly) is piercing my good mood.

So it's time to pop the question.

I meant the casual "Wanna hang out, you have my phone number, hint, hint" question, of course.
; )

Sickness

I've literally spent the whole day in my bed.  You can tell because my bed is cluttered with tissues (used and unused), peanut butter, juice, cough drops, cough drop wrappers, my computer, cell phone, a flashdrive, and Norwegian flashcards.

All that's missing is for someone to arrive bearing vegetable soup. And for the hot Greek boy in my class to stop flirting and actually ask me out.

Dear God, I miss you.

In the past few days, I've felt a tug from something to go back to church and rediscover my spirituality.  Last night, I went to a Christian retreat, came home to do Wiccan spells and New Age chakra finding, and was called to get up and go to a church this morning.

But now, I'm not really sure what to do.  If I believed the Christian doctrine, that would be easy - I wander around until I found one of the thousands of churches around.  But after praying almost every Sunday (in church) for 5 years for God to let me believe in Jesus' God-status and it not happening, I really don't think that I can call myself a Christian. 

Actually, my thoughts on Christianity mirror Islam's stance; I believe that Jesus was a prophet, a man, who was pretty awesome and that the New Testament has potential for inaccuracies because of the gap time between Jesus doing things and people writing the stuff down.

I think, though, if I converted to anything else, my family would freak, especially since I live near them.  I love them, and don't really want to hurt them.  But I really miss having that connection to God through a body of worshiping people.  There really is nothing that can replace that sense of purpose, of worthiness, of meaning.

I miss having Him in my life, and I don't know how to find Him again.

Th4t G1rl

To all the people I have ever interrupted, given bad ideas to, unnerved, was oblivious to, steamrolled over, or made feel uncomfortable, I am so, SO sorry.  I will try hard to never do it again.  I really will.

Mostly because I never want to be that girl*.

You know the one I'm talking about.  The one who sits up front and tries to interject frequently, under the muddled thought that talking equals participation.  The one who, when she raises her hand, the entire class rolls their eyes and sighs.  The one who doesn't realize how low everyone else's opinion of her actually is - or that they even dislike her at all.  The one who comes up with zany ideas that have little to no use in the group. The one who interrupts people constantly and delineates conversations.  The one who everyone is secretly hoping not to talk to.  Yeah, her.

She's making my life miserable.

In one of my classes the instructor assigned a SUPER PROJECT, with an importance level of over 9000, with field trips to find scholarly journals and everything.  Since the project is so big, our instructor gave us three weeks to work on it - and we plan on using all three weeks.  So we sat down yesterday and started the work, creating an outline of the first section of our presentation.  We got finished very shortly after it was done and were really pleased with ourselves - everyone was contributing and on top of what was happening.

And then she came.  40 minutes late, because she hadn't really read the e-mail that I sent out with directions to the spot that I had chosen to meet the night before. 

She immediately got there and told us that we needed to do an introductory exercise so we could get to know each other, making one of the guys in the group feel awkward enough that he got up and left "to go buy a coffee" and then "to go get napkins" when she still wasn't finished blathering on about it.  In addition, the group consists of students that already knew each other - we've contributed in class together all semester and had already been working together productively for a while.  But, no, that girl had to stop us working halfway through the session to introduce ourselves to each other.

Our entire meeting  went like that.  In the next hour, we managed to get next to nothing done.  By preempting her comments at the end, we did manage to get a schedule set, but by them most of the group members had checked out mentally, because they couldn't get a word in edge-wise.  Finally, we called it a day and walked out.

I really am dreading doing another group meeting, because I just really can't stand talking to her.  I don' think that I have enough patience to negotiate with her - I don't suffer fools gladly.  The other problem is that I can see myself doing the same sort of thing - our personalities are close to each other.  And I really hope I never was that girl or anything close to it.  And I am really, REALLY sorry if I was.

* I fully recognize that this sort of idiot could be either gender.  However, in this case, both the person featured in this rant and I are girls, so grammatically it flows better if the sentence is restrictive.