In the past few days, I've felt a tug from something to go back to church and rediscover my spirituality. Last night, I went to a Christian retreat, came home to do Wiccan spells and New Age chakra finding, and was called to get up and go to a church this morning.
But now, I'm not really sure what to do. If I believed the Christian doctrine, that would be easy - I wander around until I found one of the thousands of churches around. But after praying almost every Sunday (in church) for 5 years for God to let me believe in Jesus' God-status and it not happening, I really don't think that I can call myself a Christian.
Actually, my thoughts on Christianity mirror Islam's stance; I believe that Jesus was a prophet, a man, who was pretty awesome and that the New Testament has potential for inaccuracies because of the gap time between Jesus doing things and people writing the stuff down.
I think, though, if I converted to anything else, my family would freak, especially since I live near them. I love them, and don't really want to hurt them. But I really miss having that connection to God through a body of worshiping people. There really is nothing that can replace that sense of purpose, of worthiness, of meaning.
I miss having Him in my life, and I don't know how to find Him again.
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1 comment:
Oh wow, shit, ouch. *tentatively offers hugs*
my £.02: I don't think you'll get the connected-ness back until you do whatever you feel is right. ('Right' isn't really the word, I guess, but you know what I mean.) If that means converting, your family will just have to learn to deal. Looking after your own happiness and wellbeing is more important than looking after theirs.
Invasive question you totally don't have to answer: what do you think you'd convert to, if you did?
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