Saying Yes

Since I broke up with my last bf a few weeks ago, I've acquired a new friends-with-benefits. It's the first time I've ever done anything so deliberately casual, but I'm interested in trying it out. I've enjoyed the guy's friendship for over a half year, and we've been riffing on Facebook for longer than that. He used to debate, so he likes the give and take of a good argument. Since entering the FwB arrangement, we've sent a few sexts and we're very sexually compatible, at least thought-wise. I know he's been in a long-term relationship, but mostly dicked around relationship-wise last year, so he has some experience in different contexts. He also prioritizes asking for consent - something that I haven't really experienced in my last few relationships. Turns out,consent is mad sexy. I'm not really interested in a relationship with him at this point, because it would certainly cause Drama of all sorts. And, long-term, we have different goals and emphases, so I don't know how that would work out (he's status-obsessed, I firmly identify as a proletariat). But for the time being, it's nice to have someone who's upfront about what they want and approach it rationally.

Taming the Shrew

I just realized that I don't trust anyone I hang out with on a regular basis. So, there's that. I'm not sure if that's a me-thing or a friends-thing (or possibly being an adult?) All I know is, I already know what advice I'm going to get from everyone before I ask them, no matter what situation I'm dealing with. I know who's going to comment when I get drunk, or worse, don't drink at all. I know who doesn't care. On one level, it makes life very boring and predictable. On another, I have no way to get good advice. On a third level, I am only interested in trusting and associating with people on my intelligence level, and if you consistently act as a stereotype, it doesn't lend credence to the existence of intelligence. Also, when I get bored with something, I make it harder. And I hate being a drunk. But, I historically have never been good at expressing emotions or vulnerabilities. And that goes doubly with dudes (guess that's why I'm 5-0-1 with the breakups, eh?) So, it's possible that me not trusting people is me making excuses for blocking genuine connections with people. If that's the case, I doubt that it's ever going to be resolved. I'm too damn stubborn about my independence to be willing to do the vulnerable thing.