Guilty as charged.

I had fun today.

My sister was tired of my moping and needed someone to drive her around (Senior Ditch Day apparently matters to high school seniors - whodathunk?).  I was elected to be her chauffeur and companion around her favorite amusement park.  I was, under no circumstances, allowed to ruin her fun time by skulking around.  She was there to have fun, by golly, and so would I.

And I did.

She and I had an amazing morning.  The wait times for rides were startlingly low - we didn't wait more than 15 minutes for any ride, even the most popular ones.  After finishing the rides that we wanted to go on (usually an all day task) by mid-morning we amused ourselves by taking fun and funny pictures and by shopping.  Although we usually have a love-to-hate relationship, we didn't have single argument all day, an occurrence so rare, I can't remember the last time it happened.  When I had to leave, I was genuinely sorry to go; I wanted to spend more time with her.

And yet I feel guilty.  Somewhere out there camping is th3 goofball, who was just informed that his long-term girlfriend doesn't love him anymore.  He's probably off stewing,trying to figure out how to "fix" the situation.  Not having fun, on a trip that was supposed to be about having fun with his friends.

And I didn't think about him/the situation/our relationship all day.  It wasn't even on the back of my mind.  In fact, the only time I really think about it is when I talk to him; the rest of the time I just feel guilty for not feeling anything else.

I think this is one of the reasons I want to end our relationship - being able to even think about maintaining our relationship is going to take work and commitment that I don't think that I will give.  If, in the bit that is supposed to be all about despair and chaos and woe I am having fun and ignoring the problem, then I am not equipped to even think about repairing the gap in our relationship, if in fact that is what it is.

I think that I want to walk away.  And that makes me feel guilty.